Queen of Sleep

Living with narcolepsy: a personal journey

Spring Cleaning and The Way of Individuation

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This is the perfect time of year to do some spring cleaning – put those Feng Shui recommendations into practise. In an earlier post I wrote about how I changed my room around to optimally benefit from the energies. I have to admit, it felt a bit weird when I moved all of my books into my wardrobe to ensure that my educational corner benefited  as I am not terribly into fashion (if this sounds odd – read my posts on Feng Shui and the bedroom). Like any ‘normal’ person I used to keep clothes in my wardrobe (lol). So, last week I decided it was time to move my books again and go through them to ensure that I wasn’t holding on books that I would never read or disliked etc.  When I was finished I had 3 bags ready to be taken to the charity shop.
I had a period when I was terribly into psychology and read everything I could get hold of including a brilliant but dense book called “The Way of Individuation: The indispensable key to understanding Jungian psychology” written by Jolande Jacobi. It’s one of those that I never managed to get through, not surprisingly (Zzz).  As I was holding the it, a page opened up and I read: “But if one has no proper persona, one strikes other people as vague and vacillating, and no one knows what to make of such an individual.” Jung writes: “
One could say, with a little exaggeration, that the persona is that which in reality one is not, but which oneself as well as others think one is. “If the persona is lacking, one has no protecting “face” and is exposed to the world with all one’s  moods like a child.” So, the person you think you are becomes your reality i.e. you become the person you think yourself into being. If you have no reference point to who you are, that you can pin your ideas on, you become defense less and respond to everyone elses ideas/projections on who they think you are. A constantly pleasing and ever-changing personality that comes across as vague when confronted. A well-balanced or rounded “face” becomes a protective boundary that acts as a persona between you and society, a basic survival strategy. When do we develop  protective boundaries? Personally, I think it is a lifelong process but the majority of the work happens as we step into adolescence. Who I am? What do I want?

It’s in the beginning of the maturation process that signs of narcolepsy starts to appear. How does narcolepsy affect the sense of self during this period of uncertainty and development?

When I turned thirteen, unknowingly, symptoms of narcolepsy started to become more common and it started to affect my ability to study and stay awake in class.. I don’t remember much apart from my dreams/night terrors and my struggles to stay awake in class and at family functions. I remember spending hours painting in the art department, it was my creative and emotional outlet. Did my personal development as an adult suffer? Most definitely! There seemed to be an exterior world that I didn’t always comprehend, as if there was a veil separating me from them and as I grew older the veil grew thicker. I became introvert and shy.

In my early twenties, my friends nicknamed me mysterious. I always thought it was a bit strange because, without realising, that was what I had become; a mystery to myself.

Written by Queen of Sleep

March 31, 2011 at 2:52 pm

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