Queen of Sleep

Living with narcolepsy: a personal journey

Narcoleptic Concept of Time…

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What time is it? What day? What year? How old I am?

I have always found the concept of time confusing. Obviously, time goes faster when you’re asleep and slower when you’re not. Faster when you are enjoying yourself and slower when you’re not. At the moment some of my friends seem to be going through all sorts of age related crisis. They seem to be anxious about not reaching a certain level, having had time to do certain things or have certain things in life. I look back at them in bewilderment and reply: – you are so successful why worry about the things you do not have when you can cherish the ones you have? I have always found myself feeling very immature and mature at the same time. Sometimes I am anxious that I have slept away a great part of my life but then I stop myself and realise that I have acquired other types of skills than my peers. They have now been working for 10 years plus whereas I have worked in many different environments. I tried many thinking that I couldn’t find anything that suited me. Today, I realise that I have acquired a multitude of different skills. However, my peers seem to have acquired a much more solid lifestyle, mortgage, children, insurances etc. Sometimes, I get envious because I tried for so many years to become what seemed to me to come so easy for most. The normal office lifestyle of having a 9-5 job. Most of the time, I am not exactly sure what I am envious about, I would probably been bored out of my mind by now. Do you feel old when you are tired and younger when you are more alert? I have noticed that when I focus my energy into 1 task, I get very intense – nothing else matters! When I don’t, I feel as if I don’t do much at all. It’s almost as if I am trying to catch up with lost time, unconsciously.

This year I thought I was getting a year older than I was until my mother kindly reminded me that was turning 34 and not 35. Why did I think I was turning 35? Time is confusing. Cuts up the day and night into chunks of time.

Most people seem to be embarrassed celebrating getting a year older after 30-40 and continues to celebrate 29 or 39 for the rest of their lives;) Today, I asked a lady how old she was. I know it is supposed to be rude (I couldn’t help it) to ask a lady how old she is, but why? Why are women (and some men) so reluctant to answer that question? What is there to be embarrassed about? (I can answer this question but it makes me depressed so I won’t, contemporary cultural identity and commercialism is depressing:() I think we should celebrate every year! Celebrate that every year we are getting older and wiser! Is it not amazing to celebrate that we are growing as a person and a human being? What is there to fear?

Planet Narcolepsy describes automatic behaviour in this way: Many people don’t remember what happens when they go into this trance-like state where they continue their normal activities unconsciously.  They are just “there” one moment, and then they are not.  Others seem to experience this automatic behavior in a sort of “half-in/half-out” state, where they realize something is not quite right, but they don’t understand what or why until it is over.  While it’s happening, there is no real concept of time, and although it is not unusual for someone to carry on a conversation, it is not likely to make much sense at all. Of all the symptoms, Automatic Behavior is potentially the most embarrassing, especially for someone who does not know what it happening.

While it’s happening there is no real concept of time. Sometimes when I fall asleep, I have no idea if 30 seconds of 1 hour has passed by when I wake up. It’s disorientating. It would be disorientating for most people. My time is probably shorter because it is cut short and cut up by sleep. The day is cut here and there which makes the concept of time even more fractured. Luckily,  my medication has helped me to control my time better and currently my day is slowly, slowly getting longer.

Written by Queen of Sleep

December 18, 2010 at 11:06 pm

One Response

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